cryinginside92

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 15:17:55 GMT

wow i havent been on in forever. idk my weight, i havent weighed myself in at least two weeks. that seems so outrageous, seeing as i used to weigh myself about twenty times a day... im really starting to try again. im workinga ton at my summer job, so i can avoid eating at those times. like today, i work eight hours through two meals so... i need to find some more good thinspo.
stay strong everyone!

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 11:04:25 GMT

im doing the abc diet starting this summer or as soon as i stop lacrosse. maybe i can get through two cycles...

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 22:32:31 GMT

breakfast- coffee
lunch- nothing
dinner- nothing so far, but i just ate ~~a handful of crackers~~

i'd say about 100 cals so far ^_^
i just feel happier when im 'empty'
hope everyone else is doing well

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 00:52:31 GMT

blah blah blah
had hummus for dinner and i've a pulled hamstring
blah blah blah.

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 23:07:45 GMT

ugh lacrosse practice was absolutely hellish
it was rainy and we ran practically the whole time.
2.5 hours... thats at least 500 cals

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 16:24:56 GMT

i feel... horrible. my school is on spring break this week and im going to the beach thru saturday. im not ogin to eat anymore today. ill go as far as i can tomorrow.
when i eat, i know im not hungry! i just cant stop. im going to keep busy for the resst of the week and tr to stay under 500 cals. no! even better! i need structure, so ill do 2468 starting tomorrow. ok ill just try to make it through one cycle... i can do that, right?

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 19:38:59 GMT

ive kind of been through hell lately. my weight is rediculous. the boy i liked is an asshole. i dont like anyone now and thats kind of depressing. screw it. ive decided to lose thirty lbs this summer starting with a week long fast

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 15:55:53 GMT

fast today (10-28)
at least ten cups of water too
cw-179.6
4.6 lbs to go until i wont feel horrible about going back to school
<3

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 01:02:02 GMT

fasting again tomorrow because today was kind of an epic fail lol.
and im hanging out with the jerk who's been giving me issues on monday... so it'd amazing if i didnt eat until then.
oh and im going to a movie with a really good friend tomorrow afternoon so no dinner shouldnt be hard... i just have to avoid snacking at night. easier said than done haha.
ok i dont know what my weight is, but it was 176.6 before i ate so im guessing... 178-ish...
i gues im happy... id like to be down to 174 by next monday
<3

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 21:06:26 GMT

day one almost over
bed around 10:00 pm
good luck to evryone whos fasting with me today
stay strong!

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 17:11:54 GMT

12:00 noon first day of fast
im doing ok. im posting rather pathetically because im really devoted and i want to do this for myself. i listened to king adora's big isnt beautiful for about and hour over and over again and its pretty much burned into my brain lol. im just going to take this an hour at a time... like im NOT going to eat at LEAST until 1,2,3, etc...
i can do this. i also watched an hour of 'ruby' and it wasnt like reverse thinspo because i really love her. its like wow, she's doin this and its a thousand times harder for her so i can try harder too.
and my scale that i got for christmas!! its making me two lbs heavier. yeah slap in the face haha
im not sure if i want to do this intensively or extensively... like do i want to fast until im (x) weight or do i want to fast for two days?
oh well. im just trying to motivate myself b/c i really dont want to have to write 'i ate today'
ok hope everyone i amazing

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 23:06:02 GMT

ugh... the sad thing is im trying...
do ya'll think its better to allow other excesses when youre restricting food or to just cut down on everything all together?

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 01:48:34 GMT

my 'friend', who hurt me in a way that ive never been hurt before, is speaking to me again. not only that, he's flirting mercilessly. im not sure i like this. i know its going to be the same old shit. im just going to get pulled into him and his amazing personality and waste another year. despite what ive managed to convince myself, im not ready to let him go. our relationship and dynamic has definately changed. he's a lot more caring and... idk. the only way to describe it is 'close'
im not sure i like this...

Sun, 14 Dec 2008 15:47:49 GMT

i bought some diet pills yesterday at gnc...
theyre called 'size 0' and 'nv', the one endorsed by carmen electra. they were crazy on sale. like got them for three dollars from fifty.
thats actally not too promising haha. idk, i cant really give much on results yet... do you think its safe to take them at the same time? can you o.d. on... supplements?
hope everyone else is doing fantastic

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 22:59:41 GMT

i think i know why im not able to focus on weightloss...
im really being stretched thin right now. my two (ex) best and oldest friends, ive decided, have no place in my life. theyre horrible people, and i cant overlook it anymore. this year, ive completely relooked everyone in my life. im ignoring previous ties and seeing if they are truly good for ME. its caused fights and as recently as this afternoon, a bombardment of texts saying what a horrible person i am. well ive outgrown them. sorry. this is suprisingly easy. ive been expecting it for a long time.

anyway, doing good on my fast. then again, it hasnt even been a full day yet, but im still happy.
id like to last until at least tomorrow afternoon.
hope everying is doing more lovely than i!!

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 00:37:54 GMT

three more miles running, ten more cycling!!
550 cals burned!!

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 03:22:01 GMT

going to the Y tomorrow!!!
i kinda want to pass out when im with him just so the stupid jerk face will worry.
but at least i acknowledge it an ican kee myself from doing it... possibly

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:28:51 GMT

whoo!! ran two miles and biked seven!!!

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 02:56:26 GMT

another letter to me-

dear me,
stop eating missy! you've let this go way too far. fuck the boy who didnt even care enough about you to brake your heart; he just pushed it aside and let you hurt for weeks. you've got to do this for yourself. you can't trust anyone. who wants to be the confidante of a fat disgusting pig. PUT THE FORK DOWN!! remember, time spent wasting is not wasted time. envoke photosynthesis: just sit and feel a sense of satisfaction that tells you that you are better than all those people who let food control their lives. finally, after all your hard work, they will see that you are beautiful, that you are on a whole different level than them. they dont deserve to pass judgement.

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 12:19:08 GMT

it was my b-day yesterday and among the spoils?
a gym membership!!! yaaayyyy!!!!!
on my way today!

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 03:52:19 GMT

omg im in complete panic mode.
i sent the boy who id been having trouble with a long message over myspace to try to explain why i was acting the way iwas. now im sick to my stomach and i really wish i hadnt and i dont want to face him tomorrow. i think i might cry...

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 12:13:43 GMT

goals today-
eat under 1000 cals preferably closer to 500
not fail my trimester exams
put my big girl panties on and deal maturely with my boy issue i.e. not be a total bitch
good planning :)

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 17:08:09 GMT

boys suck.
they suck so much that they have the power to make me not eat for a few days. well, thanks for that at least.
one of the downfalls of planning on being a psychiatrist? you analyze everything. sometimes it would be nice to just feel things and not wonder why you're feeling them...
he tried to give me a hug and i told him id rather be stabbed with a spork...

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 21:48:45 GMT

so i think im going to start the 2468 diet this week thorugh the 24th. i have exams the friday before and that monday and tuesday, so distractions will be no problem. i think something structured and basic will really help me get back on track. my b-day is the 25, so i want to be down to 174. btw, weight gain as of my lw in may? 20 lbs. IM SO DISGUSTING!

nothing to eat so far today
stay strong

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 20:31:48 GMT

they heard me and my *ahem* coughing attack

panicpanicpanicpanic...